Cars stink

My time back in Charlotte has been wonderful, but busy. I still haven't finished unpacking... but I have a had a great time hanging out with friends. My week suddenly got busier when Bekah's car wouldn't start, then Kate's broke, and then mine starting making noise. You never realize how important cars are until yours starts giving you trouble. I had all kinds of relaxing things planned for today: Church, gluten-free baking for Bekah (she has had a rough week, plus I want to bake!), organizing & preparing for school, cleaning my room, etc, but that has all been foiled since I spent 4 hours at Tire Kingdom today. Blah. Something interesting happened while I was there though. When I walked in yesterday, the manager said "you must be Sarah or Lisa". I had told them on the phone my information, but when I walked in he couldn't see my car and had no inclination that I was Sarah except for the fact that I was a girl. I asked him how he knew that and he said he just knew things. I spent a good hour there on Saturday only to find out that I would need to come back Sunday/today because they were waiting on a part to come in. I came back today after church and was told the replacement would take an hour. I arrived at 12:40. Come 2:00 I was starving and tired of waiting. I told the manager who was working up front (same guy who knew my name) that I wanted to leave and was considering walking to get some food and he asked if I was a good driver. I said sure, and he handed me the keys to his toyota solara. He asked me to bring him back some sweet tea, and when I said yes he told me he was just kidding. I assured him that I didn't mind and offered to buy it for him. I figured a $1 sweet tea from McDonalds was a fair trade for him entrusting me with his car. As I pulled out I got honked at from a car that was speeding. Greatttttt I thought. I had hoped he hadn't seen and/or heard. I got my lunch and his snack and came back to the shop. He asked if I had almost got t-boned because he heard the honk. Opps! We chatted a little more and he asked me if I was majoring in psychology. I told him no, that I was majoring in nursing and he said that he thought that because of how I squinted as if thinking deeply when I spoke sometimes. We chatted some more, and then I waited for another two hours. I came back up to the front to bother him as we waited on the final tweaks to be made to my car. He was a nice man, maybe in his 40's & married. He talked to me about nursing and how he knew someone from his Church that did the hiring for CMC and how they were having a hiring freeze. More good news, I thought. He told me he would look at Bekah's car and battery for free if she wanted too (that actually was good news!) Right before I left I asked him once more how he knew I was Sarah and he said he had "already told me". He said, "you won't accept it because it is not logical. I can see that you are rational and have a hard time believing things that don't make sense." He told me to call him if I had any more questions or if I wanted to talk about being logical or how he knew. Weird.

Interestingly enough, this man had me pegged. I really am too logical and rational. I know that often hinders me from praying the big prayers, believing the big dreams.

Today in Church Pastor J preached on the importance of "documenting" what God is doing in our lives, for we often forget. So I am documenting. I don't want to cling hard onto what I have control over or what seems solid, because even these things fail. The Lord will fulfill His promises... Just as I have a peace right now about not having a job, but that I will be provided one when I graduate and not to worry. A peace about enjoying my life right now. It sounds stupid and I don't want to accept it. I am having to be very intentional not to control the situation or try to figure it all out on my own. I want to TRUST.

Raleigh FINALE!

I will start by apologizing about how long this post is going to be. I have entirely too much to say...

Kayla came home friday night and we tie dyed (in the dark) in the front yard. My dress is pretty stinkin cute if I do say so myself. I found EXACTLY what I was looking for at Burlington Coat Factory for only $4.99. How awesome is that? Here is a picture. My fingers were stained blue afterward, but luckily we wash our hands every .2 seconds at the hospital so it came off pretty quickly. However, I did have a blue-green thumb all day Saturday because I had a cut that I covered with tega-derm (basically a clear tape that is meant for small abrasions and/or protecting IV's. Kayla sent me a picture of my dress while I was at work on Saturday and I was so stoked! I feel like it looks like a picture of scenery... blue sky with clouds and green grass. I love it.

Before my saturday shift started I had some quiet-Jesus time and made sure I refocused my heart on serving and loving well, whatever that looked like. No bitter Sarah, anxious to get home. I wanted to be fully present in everything. Good thing I did, I had some CRAZY patients all weekend. And when I say crazy, I mean CRAZY!!!

Patient #1: Older Native American patient. About 6'3" and over 200 lbs. Long hair, wild eyes, dark skin, and staples across the front of his scalp. This may not be politically correct, but he literally looked like he had been scalped by another tribe and then had come to the hospital to get stapled back up. Poor guy. Apparently he is normally very sweet, but the surgery on his frontal lobe made him crazy. When you asked him where he was he would say he was at the hospital, but then follow it by saying he only said that because that is what we were telling him and really he was at his home and this was a conspiracy. He kept claiming there were bugs crawling on the floor and in his bed, and that water was seeping in through the ceiling. He told the NA working the night shift that the male African American nurse had raped her and that she wasn't allowed out of the room until he got his knife. Scary! When I was in there with him I asked about his heritage to start conversation and he was happy to talk about it. He even made a joke saying "I don't live in no wigwams!" and talking about milking cows when I squeezed his finger to get his blood sugar level. A few hours later he yelled and pointed his finger at me saying that I had eyes & he had eyes and that he didn't go around asking people what color they were. It was weird. Later when I was taking his temperature he kept opening his mouth as if playing a game and I told him to "stop. Close your mouth." I had been nice about it the past times, but I was trying to be direct and firm. He got mad, took the thermometer out of his mouth, and began yelling at me again. I told him he could hold the thermometer if he wanted, and he did, but continued to "teach me a lesson." My nurse heard him yelling at me and came into the room. His family was nice to me and assured me I hadn't done anything wrong or offensive. Shew! At one point during the day he got up out of his room, walked into the nursing medicine room, and sat on a chair, butt naked. Kinda gross.

Patient #2: Mid-aged dead head. Grateful dead bears tattoo on his shoulder, admitted for an infected toe. He was constantly asking for pain meds, he pulled out his IV 3 times in one day, and messed up his foot bandage 3 times so that we had to change it. I think in some sick way he enjoyed getting stuck with a needle. I watched him during the last insertion and he had his eyes closed and relaxed as if he were getting a manicure. Weird. At one time I came into his room and he was moving the tubing on his IV and said "ha. Look, I can be a doctor." It took all I had not to say something coy back. I think he was on too much dilaudid (a pain med) because he speech was slurred. At different points in the day he lost his phone (it was in his room), asked where his dog was, wanted security to bring back his wallet from the safe because he was "leaving in a few days and it would take a long time to get it back," but "not to worry" because he "wasn't going to run away or anything." (they had just locked it up that morning), said he had a degree in philosophy, that he used to run 4 miles every morning (he was clearly overweight and after our walk down the hall in which he did ham string curls with me was way out of breath). His two craziest moments were when he left his room and started knocking on the door that said "storage" and said that his friends were in there. I was like "whatttt??" and he said that his friends had called him and that they had left some stuff in storage that he needed to get for them. I explained to him that we did not allow people to keep things in that storage room in the hospital. He argued, but finally I was able to convince him that perhaps his friends "mysterious boxes" were in storage at a storage building. At the end of my shift I was documenting on the computer and he came strolling by with his IV pole and a packed suit case. I asked him where he was going and he said he was going to his room. I pointed and showed him where his room was and he freaked out saying I should not point at him like a dog and that I needed to turn around and do my work. The other nurses assured me that I did nothing wrong, and that sometimes people are crazy. Oh and at another point in the day he totally tried going into another patients room to find me. That is not ok!

Patient #3: old black man with dementia. I tried to get him to eat, but he said he was "stuffed" and that we were "making him fat." He was cute crazy. At one point he was mumbling talking and I asked who he was talking to he said "I'm talking to the baby" and started asking me if the kitchen dishes were clean. Poor guy.

I did have good patients that day too. One was an x-Red socks player with ALS. His daughter was a nurse at "Big" Duke Hospital in Durham and is in charge of hiring new graduates. She gave me her name as a contact. Her dad was so sweet, but a bit discouraged. He has been diagnosed with all kinds of things. Sara, my nurse, made me a DANK peanut butter chocolate cake for my final day and gave him a piece. Even though he has diabetes and isn't supposed to eat stuff like that, he had had a rough day and only has a few years left to live. Like I said, his daughter is a nurse and thought it was appropriate. We all agreed. He said it was the best cake he had ever had and told Sara she should quit being a nurse and bake cakes. She said she has thought about it, but that it is her creative outlet and she wouldn't want it to feel like work. I can relate to that! Before this man left I asked him what his advice for a young wipper-snapper like me would be and here is what he said:
-"Enjoy life, it is a gift."
-"Trust your instincts, thats why you've got em."
-"Be kind, honest, and compassionate." He told me that I already was, but that to continue that way, that there were not enough people in the world who cared.
-his sickness has made him "grow in his faith."
-he looked up at the sky and said that he didn't know why this happened to him, why one day he was running and fit and then the rug was pulled out from under him, but that it served a purpose that only the Big guy knows.
-he said not to let pain go to waste, to offer it up for someone's good intentions
-and "an important part of the recipe for life is: HAVE FUN!" "Work is a small part of life, you should enjoy life and your work too, but work is not your entire life."
-He also told me about how he had died on the operating table once, how his heart had stopped beating. He said a priest came to ask him about it and that this what it was: when he died, he was just part of the air. He didn't see his mom or dad or anything, but he was being in the presence of total joy. He was like a dust particle, but not a particle... he was part of the air. He said it wasn't something you could ever imagine if you hadn't experienced it, but that it was the coolest feeling ever and it was beautiful. He said he was not afraid of death, because he knows that it will be joy. He said "maybe Hell is on earth after all?"

Like I said, Sara made me a yummy cake. It was funny because yesterday all the nurses were being very suspicious and asked me what desserts I liked. The first two were "making a dessert tonight" and asked for suggestions. I told them cobbler was always a good summer dessert, and one said "so you like cobbler?" I said yeah, that it was a good thing for summer, but then realizing that they were scheming quickly added that I was a chocolate girl. At the end of Saturday Sara said she was going to a party and needed to make a dessert. She asked for suggestions and a few nurses answered, I decided to test the water and didn't answer. She looked straight at me so I told her anything chocolate was good. And thus, I got a chocolate cake with peanut butter icing and reeses cups on top. My VERY first homemade cake made for me! Sara and I ran into each other that morning on the elevator for the first time all summer and when I asked what she had she said "ohhh nothing." haha. Another nurse made some dip with beef, cheese, and salsa. I felt adventurous and tried some with my baked potato lunch. Pretty tasty. Little did they know, I had something up my sleeves too and had written them a card and bought ColdStone chocolate from BigLots (cheap-o) the night before.

As I left that evening, all the nurses were very sweet and encouraging. They told me if the next generation of nursing was like me that it was "in good hands." They all asked if I was coming back, and I said I didn't know. They told me to keep in touch and NOT to do Med Surg nursing. I think I will listen to that :)

That night I had chat time with Sarah Joyce in my room and we even cuddled a little bit. How cute. I was so ready to go home to Charlotte, but I this summer has been amazing. I feel like I have grown so much. Not only in nursing, but as a person. This is only the tip of my understanding... I know this summer has impacted me in ways that I have yet to foresee.

It is not that I am any more blessed... it is that my ears have been uncovered to hear His promptings, my feet unchained to follow His lead, and my eyes opened to see His glory.

Charlotte

Yesterday I worked in the Emergency Department at the hospital. I was bored most of the time because there wasn't much for me to do, but I think I would enjoy working there as a nurse. You see a wide variety of patients, make judgments, place orders, etc. Some days are slow and some days are fast, but you never know what you are going to get. I think it would also help me see where my interests were. Do I enjoy hands-on patients care? Or the paper work? Teaching? or Research?

I also attended a mandatory Diversity Training on Wednesday where I leaned about: "Diversity". I feel as though I am pretty culturally sensitive, but this was still a good experience and focused a lot on the effect of diversity and economics. I often forget that a hospital is a business :/ yuck. We each had to share a random fact about ourselves so I shared that I liked/wanted to travel. At the end of the day, the speaker told me to check out the "Transcultural Nursing Society". I googled it this morning and it looks interesting, but I don't feel like it is something I need to pursue right now. It is nice being comfortable in the unknown.

Last night I went out for a birthday dinner with friends and while we were dining my roommate Stefania (Sanji, as I like to call her), the birthday girl, said "Can you just not go home? I don't want you to leave." Sarah Joyce chimed in and agreed. It was then that the boys asked when I was going back to Charlotte and I told them monday. I guess they hadn't realized that it would be so soon, and one of them said "you are going to come back to Raleigh though, right?" I told him I didn't think so and he confidently replied "oh, you will." As I sit here and reflect, I realize I really do like the city of Raleigh. It is a nice size; not too big, not too small. It has the luxuries of a city but that same small-town feel that you grow to love. Not to mention they have fresh produce and NC State ice cream everywhere! But honestly, I am not sure I will want to move here. I kind of want to spend some time enjoying my home. I don't feel like I ever have. I am always on the move, always looking for another adventure or completely consumed by school. I want to enjoy what makes home, home: my people. Maybe this will be accomplished in this next year and I will be ready for another adventure once again, but who knows. Plus I think two big transitions at once may be a bit overwhelming. Moving away right when I graduate + adjusting to life as a working adult nurse = a lot of big change. I am usually one to embrace change, but maybe sometimes we don't have to force it. Maybe sometimes we are supposed to enjoy people and enjoy comfort. Just for a little while... so that we may be refueled to go out once again. I see time with those that I love as a battery charger: infusing life into my veins, filling me to the brim, so that I may be poured out. I still think I will travel as a nurse, but maybe not RIGHT NOW. I often say I just want a friend to come along with me, and I think that is the heart of it. I told my mom this and she said "get your friend Rachel to go with you!" Oh how I would love that! Doesn't Jesus send the disciples out in twos? Don't you think there may be a practical reason behind it?

Ok, time to go apply for a scholarship. Gotta pay them bills!

Create some more

I made this necklace out of a paperclip, 2 beads, and some thin gold wire.

The bobby pin has gold wire that I crocheted into a flower/circle with a bead at the center.

I kind of feel like painting right now. Uh oh inspiration!

Create

I had a young patient this past weekend. He was a 24-year-old, x-NC State football player. It was bizarre having a patient my own age, especially when I had to ask him if he had peed or had a bowel movement in the past couple hours. I think he was a bit uncomfortable with the concept as well because he would say "Number 1, or number 2?" haha. His mother was really sweet. She dressed nicely, and was always smiling. One day I was telling her about my summer internship and how I had gone to NC State for a year to do textiles but that I had "felt a greater calling" and wanted to serve by means of nursing. Later that day, she told me she had studied art in school and then went back to school for journalism so that she could get a job. She encouraged me to continue to be creative because it will "fill me." Interesting choice of words, I thought.

So, today, I vow to do one creative thing a day. One act done purely off of inspiration. Whether that be making a headband like I did today, or going for a hike. Something that I do entirely for me, to "fill me." Thank you, well dressed mother in pearls, thank you.

Be like a child, Part II.

I realized something pretty monumental this week. I do NOT have to be the best nurse ever. I do NOT have to change the world. I do NOT have to push myself to the max of my abilities to see what I can do. There are people who WANT to do that. Instead, I want to just embrace who I am. That, is the easy yoke.

I am a child,
I love my Creator.
I love to learn,
I love to serve.
I play outside,
I run through the trees.
The sun feeds my soul
and joy radiates from within.
I am an artist,
I create beauty with my hands.
I love people,
I love their stories.
I hear music,
I feel horses.
Silence refills my cup
and movement unleashes my spirit.
I am a child.
_________________________________________

This morning I decided I was going to have a good day at work. Per chance, I opened up to Psalm 119:1-8 (the message version) and was fueled.

"You're blessed when you stay on course, walking steadily on the road revealed by God.
You're blessed when you follow his directions,
doing your best to find him.
That's right—you don't go off on your own;
you walk straight along the road he set.
You, God, prescribed the right way to live;
now you expect us to live it.
Oh, that my steps might be steady,
keeping to the course you set;
Then I'd never have any regrets
in comparing my life with your counsel.
I thank you for speaking straight from your heart;
I learn the pattern of your righteous ways.
I'm going to do what you tell me to do;
don't ever walk off and leave me."

I enjoy nursing, but it does not define me. I find it interesting, and it helps shape me more and more into His likeness. Whenever I try to fabricate this "end-all" goal, I feel uneasy. Why do I continue to try to figure it all out? People from all walks of life, all faiths, and all races continue to speak the same message to me: "Embrace your creativity, embrace the creativity of life. You have no idea what doors will open or where you will end up." God's plan is so much greater than mine, why do I even try?